I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
