You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I look better un-naked...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Found your dick twin last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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