god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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