Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
