Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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