He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
