ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
