I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
me + whiskey = a bad person
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
