wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
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I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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