u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
