I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
