You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
