I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
