remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
