You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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