And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
