Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Help. Why am I so naked?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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