Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
