I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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