He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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