she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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