They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
