You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
