You smell like stripper and shame
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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