Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
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