you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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