Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
