I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
