i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.