im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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