Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?