I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.