she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We left the knife in your bed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly