Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
