I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
