I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
