So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dick very happy bro
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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