I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
