i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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