I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
porn star boner night. come get it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
