Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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