Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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