im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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