we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
