so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
