I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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