I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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