Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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