I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
