Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
