Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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