She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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