You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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