youre lurking in front of me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
