hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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