my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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