What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
