Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
