So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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