In the future we'll all be gay
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
