Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
