end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
