This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize