Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
