I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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