So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
