they need to just BURY HIM!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
