dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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