It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
